Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
