I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
