i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
