And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
