I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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