In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
