You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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