first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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