I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
