so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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