Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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