chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
