their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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