i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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