isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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