just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
