You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
