Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
