U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
