your room smells of hookers.
And success
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
