Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was confusing and full of hummus
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
