I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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