some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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