kristin has been a bad kristin
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
