It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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