Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
