So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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