you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
