he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
