Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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