im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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