In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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