you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
