Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
