watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
