we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
