I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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