Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
