Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
