Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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