I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
