Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
