maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
