Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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