Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
