The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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