Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
