If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
