I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
