as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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