I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are two peas in an std pod
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
