is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
