I need help removing her.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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