Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
