Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
